Why I kept my blog a secret

So… this one is kind of a weird post to write. You might think I’m a little crazy, but I didn’t tell my family and friends about my blog for a long time. I had my reasons, but by putting them into words my hope is that I can encourage others to try something new. So let me explain why I kept my blog a secret.

Why I started blogging

“Blogging” is kind of a dirty word. Some people have a misconception that everyone starts a blog to become famous, or to feel important. That wasn’t the case for me. I’m very lucky to have a full-time (sometimes more than full-time) job, which I actually love. But traveling is my biggest passion. I often get asked for travel tips, so I decided to put all of my recommendations into writing by sharing them on a blog. I’ve also always wanted to share my favorite beauty products and fashion ideas, and a blog seemed like the perfect opportunity. So why didn’t I want to share this with my closest family & friends?

Fear of judgement

It’s really difficult to put something personal out into the world. And even though I had the best intentions, I was worried people would think I was trying to be another annoying “influencer”. A lot of people use blogging for free stuff or to make money which (although it’s a nice perk) was never my intention. As I said I love my full-time job, and this was always intended to be a fun hobby. I do use affiliate programs & links, but it’s primarily to track what people are interested in and help me decide what to write about.

One of the biggest things people don’t understand about blogging is that it’s incredibly difficult to get people to actually find & read what you write. And when each post can take 5-7 hours (writing something good is not easy!) you want to make sure people see it and find value in it.

So, most bloggers use Instagram to let people know when they write new posts. I decided to start a new public Instagram, so I could keep posts about my family & real-time location private. While it helps people discover & understand what I write about, it could come across as obnoxious to some. But judgement prevents us from seeing the good things that lie beyond appearances – so don’t let it prevent you from trying something new. As long as you enjoy what you’re doing, the judgement you may receive doesn’t matter.

Perfectionism

Blogging is a LOT more difficult than people think. On top of the time you invest in writing each post, getting a website up and running is no easy feat. I’m a perfectionist with just about everything, and blogging is no exception. I didn’t want to share my blog with anyone I knew until it was the best it could possibly be. But the reality is that nothing will ever be perfect – especially for a perfectionist.

Remember that everything is a work in progress. The learning curve with anything new will be high. And sometimes it’s good to share things that are incomplete, so you can get some helpful & constructive criticism.

Fear of obligation

Ever since I was little, I’ve been independent. I was even the bread winner for my family as a kid, when I was an actress. All of the things I’ve been through have made me very conscious of being a burden or an “obligation” to someone. And I worried that by sharing my blog with friends & family, they would somehow feel obligated to like it.

This has backfired on me in a way, because I sometimes feel that my friends aren’t interested in what I write. Some don’t follow me on social media, and some have probably never read a single post on my blog. In fact, the only people who have ever shared my posts have been strangers or other bloggers. But some of your friends & family will not support you in the way you hoped for – and that’s okay. Remember that everyone has their own ways of showing they care, and unless you are explicit, you can’t expect people to read your mind.

Fear of ridicule

Although I initially started my blog to share my tips for traveling, I also saw it as an opportunity to share my thoughts on beauty & style. And fashion posts have actually become one of my favorite things to write! I love the “researching” (aka online shopping & stalking fashion mags + WhoWhatWear). And part of the fun with a hobby is learning something new, right?

But I haven’t always been the most fashionable person. I was actually bullied in high school for some of my “unique” fashion choices. In fact, my Catholic high school added a rule in the dress code forbidding fishnet tights because of me! Since I was home schooled until high school, I didn’t really know how teens dressed. Now I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being different or unique, but kids can be really cruel. Truth be told we were probably all cruel in some way in high school.

Even as an adult I never considered myself “trendy”. But to improve is to change, and the secret of change is to focus your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Your closest friends are the ones who think they “know you best” – which is true, but sometimes they have trouble accepting when or why you change. It’s often easier to share your thoughts with complete strangers, because their opinions aren’t shaped by preconceived notions.

Being an adult now, I didn’t think the fear of ridicule would bother me. But it’s one of those things we struggle with throughout our whole lives. I’m sure there were some heavy eye rolls and snarky comments made by people I trusted. But your friends who truly care will be there to support you – so don’t let the fear of ridicule prevent you from sharing your passion with others.

My advice to you

I have no regrets about keeping my blog a secret, because it gave me time to find my voice & build my confidence as a writer. But in the end, I realized the opinions of others don’t matter so much when you are pursuing a hobby. Of course you hope that your friends & family will support you (and they will!), but the most important thing is to be true to yourself and do what you love.

And if you do have a friend who just started a new hobby – whether it’s writing short stories, opening an Etsy shop, or blogging – do your best to support them. Here are a few tips in case you’re wondering what you can do.

• Be proactive. Ask about their work. When are they putting up new products? What are they writing about? Showing interest is one of the most genuine (and easiest) ways you can be supportive.
• Give specific feedback. Positive or negative! It’s hard putting something out into the world and not knowing whether it’s being well received, or if people find it helpful. And yes, this does mean reading what they write or looking at what they make (which is obvious!).
• Share their shop items or blog posts on social media. This is another super easy way to show support, but for some reason people rarely do it. If you like something or find it helpful, chances are your friends will too. And even if you can’t support by buying something, sharing on social media is free. 🙂